US Directory
When we
complain about what someone is doing that annoys us, we are really not
complaining about him at all. We are complaining about our own character.
We make a fuss about what he is doing, but that is useless as he will
probably keep right on doing it. Instead
of being annoyed about what he is doing, we can be more interested in finding
out the answer to a vital question: “Why does it bother me?”
Another person’s behavior
is probably his usual manner of relating to his environment.
Whether it is adequate or defective, from our point of view, isn’t the
issue. He has probably been than
way for years. Certainly there is
nothing we can do to change him, and he probably isn’t going to change just to
please us either. If any changes
are to be made, the one who does the complaining is the one who has to change.
What is wrong with me if I find myself annoyed by what you are doing? If I point the finger of blame at you, there are three other long fingers on that same hand and all three are pointing straight back at me: What weakness exists in me that I can’t endure what you are doing? If you can stand it, why can’t I? It is up to me to examine and change my own weakness.
You
are not obliged to improve your character just to make the world less annoying
for me. It is obvious that others
are not about to improve their behavior either just so that I can escape
improving my own behavior.
There is a story of the
Oriental Potentate who complained that the rough ground hurt his feet.
He ordered his whole kingdom to be carpeted with cowhide to protect his
fee when he went walking. But his
chief adviser pointed out the difficulty of carpeting the whole kingdome; he
suggested they cut out small pads of cowhide to cover each of the Potentate’s
fee instead. If we can’t
eliminate all the rough behavior of other people, then we must find a way to
protect ourselves from our irritability without demanding that they change.
INT Directory
Resources
Historical Nature of Democracy
Practical Sphere of Spiritual Life