US Directory
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS VERY AMUSING!
THIS CAME FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. THE KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE
WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
NOR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE,
GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF
CREATING THE WORLD SO
HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM
AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE
WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME
ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT
DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF
FIRE DURING THE
NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND
THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET
HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A
JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES
WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED
SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
WHICH IS
BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED
IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS,
MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN
EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10.
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER
REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED
THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN
THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON
TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING
WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED
IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS
SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS
THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE
MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS
FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY
FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE
MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH
DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE
GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO
OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN
DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN
JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED
TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE
LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE
WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS
ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO
CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS
ANOTHER NAME
FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE
SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
INT Directory
Resources
Historical Nature of Democracy
Practical Sphere of Spiritual Life